Maybe I’m the only one who ever had this problem after the 5th grade – said something or did something that hurt another person. Worse yet, broke their trust. Compound the damage if this is someone close – a friend or family member.
I’ve always told my children that trust is something hard to repair. Only time and opportunities to prove yourself can restore trust. Once you scramble that egg, you are stuck with a mess, especially since that the person you hurt is (understandably) not likely to give you many opportunities to rebuild trust – at least at first.
Of course the KEY is to not break the trust in the first place. I have to admonish each of us to watch our tongues and our actions to be sure we never, ever betray a trust or hurt someone else. But, if you are like me, and all too often have these words of Paul running around in your head: “When I want to do good, I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway,” [Ro. 7:19 New Living Translation throughout], then as much as you’d like to say differently, you have hurt people by words or actions at least a few times – even since the 5th grade.
Remember, the Bible says, (in James 3:5) “So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do”—warning us of its power of destruction. So we have to admit that this is a common problem with human nature and all people – even Christians. If you have avoided it in your adult life, you are indeed wise and godly.
Once you realize you have betrayed trust in word or deed, you need to repent before God and ask His forgiveness. Then I suggest you ask for strength, spiritual support, because you may need it once the full impact of what you have done hits you, as you see the pain you have caused for another and understand that there is simply nothing you can do to take that back. You must humbly admit your wrong to the injured party and ask forgiveness.
I also suggest you pray that God will help the injured party to be merciful – realizing that the better part of mercy might be holding you accountable even while forgiving you – and for their own peace and strength to work through this too. They may be in for some rough times as well, while dealing with issues or feelings you created.
If you’ve damaged someone’s reputation by gossip – even by telling a truth trusted to you – and God has blessed you by allowing you to truly understand what damage you have done – then you are in a “in for a world of hurt,” as we say in the South, as you face the hard truth. It is painful. I know. I’ve been there. I’d love nothing more than to be able to press the rewind button and unscramble that egg.
So, I suggest lots of prayer for yourself and for the person you harmed – fasting to draw closer to God and live more in line with Him – Bible study to fill your mind, heart and mouth with the right things.
But, although these are all good and right things that you should be doing, they work on the current and future you. The point is, once the dead is done, you can work on never doing it again, but you can’t undo it. Sometimes you get the opportunity to do some repair work, but that is very rare. I wish I could say differently – oh how I wish it!
Proverbs 18:19 warns us that “it is harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city.” I can vouch for that, unfortunately.
So, I have only two rules for us on this:
RULE #1: Do all you can to avoid breaking someone’s trust. Guard your tongue, guard your actions, and think before speaking or taking action.
RULE #2: There is no second chance – go back to rule #1.
I hope this saves us both from scrambled eggs in the future!
Love, Nancy
P.S. You know who you are: to you I say, again, I am terribly sorry.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
I KNEW JACK KENNEDY AND YOU ARE NO JACK KENNEDY
I work in sales, an industry where image leads and functionality follows. The two questions I must answer at the very start of the sales process are “Who are you?” and “What can you do for me?”
It is well expressed in this blurb I read recently in an industry publication: "Two basic tenets of selling are that (1) people buy from other people more happily than from faceless corporations, and that (2) in the marketplace as in theater, there is indeed a factor at work called 'the willing suspension of disbelief.' Who stands behind our pancakes? Aunt Jemima. Our angel food cake? Betty Crocker. Our coffee? Juan Valdez. Anyone over the age of 3 knows that it's all myth. But like Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, the myths are comforting."
There is certainly a lot of theatrics going on in our country today. As shows like Saturday Night Live skewer the leaders of the auto industry for greedy adherence to their rich lifestyles while their industry is on the verge of collapse and as Governor Blagojevich resurrects the image of Chicago politics during the reign of the mob, we would all be well advised to consider what kind of impression each of us makes as representatives of our families, our faith, our congregations, and our heavenly Father.
When it comes to “buying” the whole Christian thing, people are going to be just as attracted to people first as they are when it comes to any other sale. We must “sell” the fact that being a Christian is worthwhile, brings happiness and fosters internal peace even when the world is at war. But the main thing we must sell is that Christianity IS love. In this, you are the Aunt Jemima, the Betty Crocker, the Juan Valdez – in other words, the spokesperson, for Christianity.
More narrowly, you are the spokesperson for your congregation. So, when people talk to you or when they walk into the door at church, does everything about you “sell” the congregation with a favorable image? Are you open, smiling, happy, welcoming? Do you meet visitors with a handshake and thank them for coming?
What if it is someone from a group that split off from yours? Do you get to set aside brotherly love in favor of letting them know that you are unhappy with their choice? Do they feel unwelcome? If so, then you are failing to make that sale – not only to them, but also to your own children and others who may be watching your actions. What kind of impression do you think you are making on the six-year-old who can tell you are suddenly tense? What about that even more vulnerable group – teenagers – who are watching you closely? They often will reject the belief system parents have spent years teaching them in response to witnessing a routine disconnect between words and actions.
Christ Jesus calls us His brothers. We are the sons of God. We are made in their image and tasked with becoming more like them, with the help of the in-dwelling of the Holy Spirit.
People have a right to see Christian behavior in the spokespersons for God, for your faith and for your congregation. The image comes first. Then they will be open to the functionality of the Christian walk.
To paraphrase that famous indictment of Dan Quayle during a political debate: we never want anyone to be able to say to us: “I know Christians and you are no Christian!”
Love, Nancy
It is well expressed in this blurb I read recently in an industry publication: "Two basic tenets of selling are that (1) people buy from other people more happily than from faceless corporations, and that (2) in the marketplace as in theater, there is indeed a factor at work called 'the willing suspension of disbelief.' Who stands behind our pancakes? Aunt Jemima. Our angel food cake? Betty Crocker. Our coffee? Juan Valdez. Anyone over the age of 3 knows that it's all myth. But like Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, the myths are comforting."
There is certainly a lot of theatrics going on in our country today. As shows like Saturday Night Live skewer the leaders of the auto industry for greedy adherence to their rich lifestyles while their industry is on the verge of collapse and as Governor Blagojevich resurrects the image of Chicago politics during the reign of the mob, we would all be well advised to consider what kind of impression each of us makes as representatives of our families, our faith, our congregations, and our heavenly Father.
When it comes to “buying” the whole Christian thing, people are going to be just as attracted to people first as they are when it comes to any other sale. We must “sell” the fact that being a Christian is worthwhile, brings happiness and fosters internal peace even when the world is at war. But the main thing we must sell is that Christianity IS love. In this, you are the Aunt Jemima, the Betty Crocker, the Juan Valdez – in other words, the spokesperson, for Christianity.
More narrowly, you are the spokesperson for your congregation. So, when people talk to you or when they walk into the door at church, does everything about you “sell” the congregation with a favorable image? Are you open, smiling, happy, welcoming? Do you meet visitors with a handshake and thank them for coming?
What if it is someone from a group that split off from yours? Do you get to set aside brotherly love in favor of letting them know that you are unhappy with their choice? Do they feel unwelcome? If so, then you are failing to make that sale – not only to them, but also to your own children and others who may be watching your actions. What kind of impression do you think you are making on the six-year-old who can tell you are suddenly tense? What about that even more vulnerable group – teenagers – who are watching you closely? They often will reject the belief system parents have spent years teaching them in response to witnessing a routine disconnect between words and actions.
Christ Jesus calls us His brothers. We are the sons of God. We are made in their image and tasked with becoming more like them, with the help of the in-dwelling of the Holy Spirit.
People have a right to see Christian behavior in the spokespersons for God, for your faith and for your congregation. The image comes first. Then they will be open to the functionality of the Christian walk.
To paraphrase that famous indictment of Dan Quayle during a political debate: we never want anyone to be able to say to us: “I know Christians and you are no Christian!”
Love, Nancy
Saturday, December 6, 2008
TIS THE SEASON
It’s that time of year – a time when people who aren’t religious at all find that their faith is now extremely important and they MUST have a nativity scene on the County Court lawn. A time when companies who don’t do anything religious any other time of the year now find they simply MUST send out holiday cards and/or gifts, they simply MUST put up a tree in a public area. A time when people who don’t help the homeless any other time of the year are asking for canned goods for various programs.
This is the time of the year, this is the holiday season, when those who would NEVER EVER think of committing terrorist acts in the name of religion (like the various Islamic nations), would never go to war over sacred ground (like the Palestinians and Israelis), get all aggressive about what they must be allowed to do, must have and what YOU must have too.
If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it thousands of times: say “Merry Christmas not Happy Holidays.” Why? Why this time of year, the time when they MUST show their religious fervor and YOU must not only allow it, but align yourself with it.
Do I insist on a tabernacle (temporary dwelling) being assembled on the County Court lawn during the Feast of Tabernacles? Do I insist they all put blood on their doors at Passover? Of course not. I do ask that you allow me to observe my faith freely and I am willing to offer the same to you.
Let’s be clear – I believe with all my heart that you are wrong, that Christmas is a pagan holiday, and that God is NOT happy with your show of lights, decorated trees and gift buying. I KNOW He is not happy with the trampling of innocent Wal-Mart workers just for first right to some deeply discounted toy or electronics.
I’m not stupid. I realize you believe with all your heart that I am wrong.
However, the thing that is supposed to separate the USA from all these other warring nations is our openness about religion. I am willing to gather canned goods for the needy this time of the year or any other. I am willing to accept it if you want to say “Merry Christmas” to me. I understand that is important to you, but you don’t have a right to command me to say it back or even “Happy Holidays.” I will say “thank you” because being polite knows no season. I do eat cookies even if they are shaped like bells, snowmen or wreaths.
Not all my non-Christmas-keeping fellows feel the same way. Some will, some won’t go to the company Christmas party. Some will, some won’t sign holiday cards if they don’t have the word Christmas on them. Some will, some won’t eat those cookies.
But (to my fellow non-believers) we do all have the responsibility of setting a good example. Just because others get all aggressive about their faith this time of the year doesn’t mean that we have the right to stop being polite, patient and kind. The receptionist who asks for the 5th year in a row if you will sign the holiday cards is just doing her job and warrants only a polite “no thank you” unless she asks you to explain why. At that time, she deserves a polite and direct explanation.
Jesus said “do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” He did not say to return behavior in kind. I believe He isn’t happy about Christmas and finds it offensive. I do not believe He is pleased with ugly, rude or angry responses to those ignorant of the truth.
One of the things I hate about Christmas is the rude behavior and frenzied buying it encourages. For people who frequently say “put Christ back in Christmas” I still see the behavior getting worse every year. For that reason alone, I would not ask a Christmas keeper about his/her faith.
The question for me, and all others of similar faith, becomes then “is my behavior this time of year encouraging others to ask about my faith or is it turning them off to it?”
Tis the season to let your like shine to this dark world – not with lights and presents and parties, but with true love shown, with kindness, patience and politeness, even in the face of religious aggression by those who need to know the truth.
Love,
Nancy
This is the time of the year, this is the holiday season, when those who would NEVER EVER think of committing terrorist acts in the name of religion (like the various Islamic nations), would never go to war over sacred ground (like the Palestinians and Israelis), get all aggressive about what they must be allowed to do, must have and what YOU must have too.
If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it thousands of times: say “Merry Christmas not Happy Holidays.” Why? Why this time of year, the time when they MUST show their religious fervor and YOU must not only allow it, but align yourself with it.
Do I insist on a tabernacle (temporary dwelling) being assembled on the County Court lawn during the Feast of Tabernacles? Do I insist they all put blood on their doors at Passover? Of course not. I do ask that you allow me to observe my faith freely and I am willing to offer the same to you.
Let’s be clear – I believe with all my heart that you are wrong, that Christmas is a pagan holiday, and that God is NOT happy with your show of lights, decorated trees and gift buying. I KNOW He is not happy with the trampling of innocent Wal-Mart workers just for first right to some deeply discounted toy or electronics.
I’m not stupid. I realize you believe with all your heart that I am wrong.
However, the thing that is supposed to separate the USA from all these other warring nations is our openness about religion. I am willing to gather canned goods for the needy this time of the year or any other. I am willing to accept it if you want to say “Merry Christmas” to me. I understand that is important to you, but you don’t have a right to command me to say it back or even “Happy Holidays.” I will say “thank you” because being polite knows no season. I do eat cookies even if they are shaped like bells, snowmen or wreaths.
Not all my non-Christmas-keeping fellows feel the same way. Some will, some won’t go to the company Christmas party. Some will, some won’t sign holiday cards if they don’t have the word Christmas on them. Some will, some won’t eat those cookies.
But (to my fellow non-believers) we do all have the responsibility of setting a good example. Just because others get all aggressive about their faith this time of the year doesn’t mean that we have the right to stop being polite, patient and kind. The receptionist who asks for the 5th year in a row if you will sign the holiday cards is just doing her job and warrants only a polite “no thank you” unless she asks you to explain why. At that time, she deserves a polite and direct explanation.
Jesus said “do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” He did not say to return behavior in kind. I believe He isn’t happy about Christmas and finds it offensive. I do not believe He is pleased with ugly, rude or angry responses to those ignorant of the truth.
One of the things I hate about Christmas is the rude behavior and frenzied buying it encourages. For people who frequently say “put Christ back in Christmas” I still see the behavior getting worse every year. For that reason alone, I would not ask a Christmas keeper about his/her faith.
The question for me, and all others of similar faith, becomes then “is my behavior this time of year encouraging others to ask about my faith or is it turning them off to it?”
Tis the season to let your like shine to this dark world – not with lights and presents and parties, but with true love shown, with kindness, patience and politeness, even in the face of religious aggression by those who need to know the truth.
Love,
Nancy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
