Maybe I’m the only one who ever had this problem after the 5th grade – said something or did something that hurt another person. Worse yet, broke their trust. Compound the damage if this is someone close – a friend or family member.
I’ve always told my children that trust is something hard to repair. Only time and opportunities to prove yourself can restore trust. Once you scramble that egg, you are stuck with a mess, especially since that the person you hurt is (understandably) not likely to give you many opportunities to rebuild trust – at least at first.
Of course the KEY is to not break the trust in the first place. I have to admonish each of us to watch our tongues and our actions to be sure we never, ever betray a trust or hurt someone else. But, if you are like me, and all too often have these words of Paul running around in your head: “When I want to do good, I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway,” [Ro. 7:19 New Living Translation throughout], then as much as you’d like to say differently, you have hurt people by words or actions at least a few times – even since the 5th grade.
Remember, the Bible says, (in James 3:5) “So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do”—warning us of its power of destruction. So we have to admit that this is a common problem with human nature and all people – even Christians. If you have avoided it in your adult life, you are indeed wise and godly.
Once you realize you have betrayed trust in word or deed, you need to repent before God and ask His forgiveness. Then I suggest you ask for strength, spiritual support, because you may need it once the full impact of what you have done hits you, as you see the pain you have caused for another and understand that there is simply nothing you can do to take that back. You must humbly admit your wrong to the injured party and ask forgiveness.
I also suggest you pray that God will help the injured party to be merciful – realizing that the better part of mercy might be holding you accountable even while forgiving you – and for their own peace and strength to work through this too. They may be in for some rough times as well, while dealing with issues or feelings you created.
If you’ve damaged someone’s reputation by gossip – even by telling a truth trusted to you – and God has blessed you by allowing you to truly understand what damage you have done – then you are in a “in for a world of hurt,” as we say in the South, as you face the hard truth. It is painful. I know. I’ve been there. I’d love nothing more than to be able to press the rewind button and unscramble that egg.
So, I suggest lots of prayer for yourself and for the person you harmed – fasting to draw closer to God and live more in line with Him – Bible study to fill your mind, heart and mouth with the right things.
But, although these are all good and right things that you should be doing, they work on the current and future you. The point is, once the dead is done, you can work on never doing it again, but you can’t undo it. Sometimes you get the opportunity to do some repair work, but that is very rare. I wish I could say differently – oh how I wish it!
Proverbs 18:19 warns us that “it is harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city.” I can vouch for that, unfortunately.
So, I have only two rules for us on this:
RULE #1: Do all you can to avoid breaking someone’s trust. Guard your tongue, guard your actions, and think before speaking or taking action.
RULE #2: There is no second chance – go back to rule #1.
I hope this saves us both from scrambled eggs in the future!
Love, Nancy
P.S. You know who you are: to you I say, again, I am terribly sorry.
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